Kamis, 11 Juli 2013

Sharknado keeps TV real

And suddenly TVrevealed a different side to me.

Shark nado I sat through two hours of Shark nado

I remembered why it is cheesy shark movies existto please.

Shark nadoSay it loud and there's people screaming.Say it soft and it might have some meaningbut I'll never stop saying Shark nado.

Sharknado Sharknado Shark naaaaaddddoooo.

You just have to love the crazy monster movies that SyFy delivers on a semi regular basis you know what you're getting. Sharknado arriving Thursday night is not the name of some gangified evil doer or a club where young gals go missing it is a tornado several actually brimming with sharks that hit Los Angeles to the death and dreadful amputation of those silly enough to party at the beach or take the 405.

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I hate the 405 says April ( Make It or Break It's Cassie Scerbo) as she and her friends take to the freeways after hammerhead filled waves drive them from the nifty Santa Monica Pier bar owned by Fin (get it ) who is played by Beverly Hills 90210 original Ian Ziering. Fin needs to save his hateful ex wife ( American Pie's Miss Tara Reid) and snotty daughter who would rather argue with him on the doorstep than acknowledge the sharks roiling up from a nearby culvert. The 405 line is there to nail the situation down firmly in reality.

Which it does actually because as any Angeleno knows the surface streets are never any better. In this case a short afternoon rain combined with the freaky wave situation is sending water chockablock with sharks up through the storm drains and over the traffic barriers.

If nothing else after even the briefest glance at Sharknado you'll never complain about your morning commute again.

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And if there is any doubt what has gathered the world's sharks into one spot the opening scene involves a lot of shark murder by a guy with an accent working for an Asian businessman on the high seas and pulled them heavenward in the phoniest looking tornado since my elementary school's production of The Wizard of Oz some fictitious news station standing in for KTLA explains all Global warming is to blame.

So forget An Uncomfortable Truth. Environmental activists need to set up screenings of Sharknado. My fellow Americans is this the legacy we want to leave our children A shark on every rooftop

Oh sure it's easy to pick holes in a story about a weather system that makes it possible for sharks to fly and take to the streets but that's the whole point of movies like this fabulous in home commentary. Often accompanied by the consumption of many alcoholic beverages.

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And as television struts and preens with its new found status as the hottest screen in town it's important to be reminded of its humble roots play acting in the backyard. It isn't just the lowly production values (rubber sharks Etch a Sketch storm clouds) or how the actors react to airborne sharks with the matter of fact casualness of porn stars stumbling upon a laundry room orgy (Oh hey watch your foot). It's the whole over the top insanity of it all the splendid and glorious belief that if you say even god awful lines firmly enough if you look hot while drawing some weapon with which you clearly have no familiarity if you acknowledge the yawning chasms in plot by saying things like This is crazy and Do you trust me often enough your audience will stay with you.

Which is the creative spirit that drives this town shared by the masterpiece and the utter mess alike.

Presented here plus sharks.


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